Commitment. Something we never had. Something I wished we had. But then, you’re not ready.
Take me back to 2012. I was then single — happy and contented. I was living a normal life in a corporate world. And then you came. I’ve been hearing your name from our colleagues. You’re a newbie. But unlike your other wavemates, there’s something about you that seems so different. You’re their new apple of the eye.
Funny as it may seemed, but I am not interested. Maybe it’s because my attention was glued to another guy. I know your name. I’ve been typing it in for work purposes, however never had I gotten the chance to see your face. Not until May.
We had our team building in Rizal. It was a very army-like day but I heard you did great. We had this group competitions and you excelled. During the awarding, that’s the first time that the name that I’ve been hearing and the face that they’ve been crushing on, matched. Still, I wasn’t interested.
Then June came. You added me up on Facebook. It was awkward. Why would someone like you add someone like me? Curious as it may sound, I accepted the request.
I am not expecting anything from you so I was really puzzled when started sending me messages. Well, it’s not that I don’t like it, but I don’t have any reasons not to give you a reply either. Since then we started talking to each other. From Facebook, to Office Messengers, to text then later on — phonecalls. We then became connected to each other. It started to get personal. It went deeper.
We started seeing each other outside work. During weekends. We watch movies, eat out, stay at our place and be laid back. We also got into that point where we met some of each other’s relatives. We are almost there. As far as I can remember, we’re just few steps away.
But then what went wrong? Why were we stranded? It’s not like were just friends, right? We acted as lovers. We are almost a couple. The way you held my hand, the way you embrace me and the way we say goodbye after a long date — friends don’t do such things. I thought we were happy.
However, life is no fairytale. We don’t usually get the happy ending every Disney movie offers. We are in this world where Nicholas Spark’s ending exists. We suddenly hit rock bottom without an acceptable cause.
You started ignoring my calls telling me that you’re busy. You never replied to any of my messages. I suddenly became the forgotten.
At first, it was so hard to let it all go. Moving on was the hardest. I don’t know how to move on to something I didn’t have in the first place. For more than 2 years, I have spend my life falling in love with you. I was thinking that someday, maybe, you’ll realize that you and me should start being “us”. But it never happened.
The heartbreak from you was one of the worst heartbreaks I ever had for years. It was one of the most unforgettable and one of which I learned a lot of lessons.
Since I separated myself from your shadow, I then started learning how to value myself more. I began appreciating my worth as a person and a woman capable of being respected. Lessons about falling in love and finding the right one had been bombarding my thoughts on a daily basis. The fact that your heartbreak is teaching you how to become a better person is overwhelming.
As I walk through life without you, let me at least say THANK YOU. Thank you for giving a movie-like kind of love story (500 Days of Summer) Thank you because it didn’t work out. Thank you for teaching me how to become wiser. And thank you because that heartbreak pushed me closer to an unexpected fairytale.
I guess maybe that’s why we didn’t work out. Maybe it’s because we are bound to be with someone better. Someone whom we both deserve. Someone who will be the perfect love for us.
As we both enjoy our current lives right now, I will be forever grateful because I am now blessed with someone who’s loving me selflessly and giving me the best love story in the making.
Until next time,
Larrem Atienza 🐼