Lovestruck: Thoughts on being SINGLE

Why SINGLE means something better.

Wanting a relationship isn’t the same as being ready for one. Sometimes we aren’t emotionally ready to date. Dating after a heartbreak, for example, is always difficult.

People believe a relationship should work if both people are in a healthy emotional place in their lives. And this does make it more doable. But being emotionally ready for a relationship isn’t necessarily the same aa being mentally ready for it.

One of the main reasons why people break up is they’re not mentally prepared. They don’t fully understand what it is they need and want, nor are they ready to make the necessary sacrifices. You could say they’re not mature enough.

How could people prepare to make necessary sacrifices if they don’t even know what they’re sacrificing in the first place? Or what’s worse they don’t know what it means to compromise?

There’s really only one way to mentally prepare yourself for becoming a single functioning unit. You have to know yourself on a deep and intimate level.

You need to get intimate with yourself. It requires you to spend a lot of time with yourself and no one else. It requires alone time. And the longer you are single, the better the partner you’ll be in the future.

Get to know yourself.

We spend to much time putting on facades for others. We pretend to be people we’re not. And when we try too hard to fit in, we lose ourselves – often without realizing it.

We all change with time, but we don’t always grow with time. Sometimes we take a couple of steps backwards; we regress and turn into our younger, more immature selves.

It happens. It’s okay. The day is not yet over, and you can choose to get yourself back on track.

Once you take sometime to be alone and explore who you are — keeping in mind the person you want to be — you’ll get to know yourself again.

Don’t expect this to be easy. Old habits often refuse to die, and being alone is the only way to get enough breathing room to do what needs to be done.

You need to be okay with being alone. You have to accept that you are enough. I understand you want someone in your life. I understand you don’t want to feel alone. I don’t either, and neither does anyone walking this planet.

But you should be happy when you’re by yourself. Your happiness, focus and hunger for life can’t depend on somebody else. I understand that, on some level, this is impossible; most of us gain happiness from having a partner. But you can’t allow someone’s absense to define your life.

You can’t look at a life with someone else as better than your life now. Because if that life is better, then the one you’re living now must be worse. Right?

But it’s not. It isn’t a bad life. It’s simply different and you need to learn to be okay with something different.

Too many people use relationships like Band-Aid, but the blood always seep through.
We’re all a bit bruised, a bit scarred and jaded. Some days are certainly going to be darker. But at the end of the day, your happiness is truly a choice. And a relationship isn’t going to fix you.

You choose how you perceive the world. If you realize this and continue to see the world the way you do now, that’s on you. But if you force yourself to change, you can.

If you change your reality, you’ll be happy with your life. You’ll be happy with yourself and how you can control your life. And you’ll have something that too many of us lose — HOPE.

Getting into a relationship before you’re emotionally and mentally prepared reduces the chances it will work out.

How can someone else love you when the “you” isn’t your true self? How can you be fully loved when you don’t know what love is?

The longer you’re single — the longer you pause to understand yourself and to create your life with your mind’s paintbrush — the more likely your next relationship will be the last one you’ll ever need.

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2 Comments

  1. This was amazing advice. And just what I needed.
    I’m not going to date for a while. Until I’m happy being single again šŸ™‚
    Thanks for this great post

    Like

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