Life and Love

Getting over someone you never had.

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  • You will never be together.

Make yourself realize and understand that sometimes things don’t have a happy ending, and this is one of those times. You are never going to be with them – not in the way you want to, not in the way you’ve dreamed about.

  • Remove them from your day-to-day life (including memories and future plans).

Give yourself the fewest possible opportunities to be confronted with their name, and the extreme feelings of inadequacy and sadness that will inevitably follow. Delete their number. Be ruthless about removing them from your digital space, the same way you would when cleaning out a closet at the changing of seasons. If something doesn’t fit, you throw it away. Know that, even though remembering all the things you used to plan now feels like touching a hot stove, those dreams aren’t gone forever. This is still your life, and you are not half of some imaginary whole.

  • Be so far away from them.

Realize that when they are no longer in front of you every day, that it’s easier than you thought to keep on living. Keep on living. Feel yourself becoming an adult, a more full and happy version of yourself, by small increments and little victories here and there. Stay in because it feels good, not because you’re broke. Date people who are good to you, and love you back, because you have no time for someone who doesn’t see how great you are. Stop pining after people who don’t because you get a rush from scrambling to keep up.

  • Smile. 

Because it isn’t even over. Because nothing is. Because there never was an “it” to begin with, and in so many ways, that’s much sweeter. There was never any time to fight, to get bored, to live the many small, unintentional disappointments and slights that couples can inflict on each other. There was no breakup, no painful separation, no cheating, no anger. And sure, there was never all the good stuff either, or that potential, distant happy ending. But your life is just fine now, and it’s not because everything ended up exactly the way you want it. Sometimes that’s how life ends up, with us getting over and getting on, and things working out anyway. And sometimes, the only thing you’ll hear from a person you used to know so well is a distant, joyful announcement from a totally new version of themselves. And all you’ll be is happy for them, and that will be the biggest victory of all.

 

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