“I knew when I said goodbye to my dad, that it wasn’t goodbye forever and I’d see him again. And when I see him again he won’t be in pain anymore. And he won’t be weak.”
My mom left first. She had a few minor attacks that led to a massive heart attack. And then my dad passed away about ten months later and just had like a sudden cardiac arrest. I remembered having a great time with him.
We always had this thing in our family where say I love you, love you more. I believe it was me to him, I love you pa. He dropped me off to my summer job. I heard I love you twinnie. I was young and it kinda shocked me as if he was trying to be one of my bffs. And I recoiled and said. Ewwww. I gave him a kiss on his cheek. And that was the last thing he ever said to me. Ever since then, that’s just played in my head since I was 19.
There were so many unknowns happening. Like I felt it was my fault because I got him tired. Then I realized that it wasn’t my fault. It’s no one’s fault.
I remember walking towards his casket with my little sister. I hugged her. I said, I promise you everything’s going to be okay. I’m going to make sure of it. Everything’s going to be fine. And now I hope I did the right thing. I am hoping that I was able to do what, at least half of my father was able to do for me.
It’s FATHER’S DAY and everyone’s like, posting photos of their dads. Having feasts. Picnics. And I kinda felt like the only one that didn’t. So then I just sent out Father’s day greetings to every dad I know which sounds weird. I kind of understood that, like, everyone else had this thing and I didn’t. So I decided to make this note.
You never really lose certain memories or certain parts of their personality and I to this day, will still be cooking sopas that he taught me when I was little. And I can still hear the parts where he said, ang daming hotdog.
This void is always going to be here and it’s a part of who I am today. But it doesn’t have to pull me in. It doesn’t have to take over me. And it’s something that I work on all the time.
I learned a lot for the past 7 years and I , like cherish those moments. Cherish my parents’ memories. Cherish the love my dad had for me.
Yes, it’s Father’s day. And as much as I wanted to hide from this day, it will never hide the fact that 7 years ago, I celebrated the best one with you. I miss you so much. I love you forever. You are my king. ❤